I don’t like November- never have. I’m especially not liking this November. The first few days of the month were okay, but it’s been downhill ever since. I think part of the problem is that the month signals an imprisonment of sorts. It means that outdoor activities officially come to a halt, and except for the occasional nice day, winter has set in.
Today, for example, is cold and blustery with light snow showers. I was outside, briefly, helping my stucco crew (who is living in a camper in front of my house) thaw the hose attached to said camper. The wind bit at my skin through my sweatshirt and burned my ears as we brainstormed ideas to thaw the hoses. My fellow brain-stormer has a limited English vocabulary, and yet he managed to toss me into the dumps with his questions of “where is your husband” and “you don’t like marry?”
I resisted the temptation to explain, adhering to his few words of English and hand gestures, that, yes, I would like to marry, but given the fact that I don’t socialize and rarely come in contact with other people, finding someone to marry, much less date, is highly unlikely. I just told him “no” and shrugged my shoulders.
Another reason to dislike the month was my last minute decision to sign up for NaNoWriMo. What the hell was I thinking? Although it sounded ambitious, I didn’t see it as a problem. It wasn’t really, until I attended a NaNo gathering to write for a two-hour period. Within those two hours, we had several contest to see who could write the most in a twenty minutes. I came in dead last each time. During that and since then, I have been told to just write and not worry about mistakes and “crap” writing. “You can come back and fix it later.” In trying to do that, I wrote myself right out of my story and basically lost any interest in “fixing” it, or even continuing it for the time being. I guess I figured out definitively that I couldn’t write like that. I’ve been wanting to at least give it a try, and now I know.
That might be cause for depression, but it is actually a good thing. What I need to do this month is work my ass off writing the drivel that pays. I already have a hard time making the bills, but Christmas is swiftly approaching, and unless I want to give the kids candy canes for Christmas, I’d better get in gear and pump out mass quantities of that drivel.
And finally, my last complaint about the month- (this is new this year- not an annual November problem) Thanksgiving is less than two weeks away, and I’m going to be forced to deal with my mother. We haven’t spoken since late July, and I’ve enjoyed the break. The stress of being estranged is much less than the stress of dealing with her on a regular basis. I am going to have to suck it up and apologize to her for my ridiculous outburst, and for telling her to “shut the fuck up.”
I really don’t want to do that, but I’ve already missed one major family function because of it, and it’s not fair to the kids to blow off Thanksgiving. Also, I know our strained relationship concerns them a great deal. As teenagers, I suppose they have enough to worry about without being tied up in knots over their mother and grandmother not speaking (even though she drives them crazy too).
On the bright side, my eldest is in love for the first time. His girlfriend is a sweet thing and is, in his words, “so fine.” This is a good thing for him. It has really settled him down and made him much more tolerable for the rest of us in the household. I hope they can make it last a while.
So here’s to making the best of what’s left of November (I hate you), and hopefully I can continue into December without falling victim to my normal seasonal depression. I want to make this a year I can put up the Christmas tree with excitement, rather than the normal anxiety of knowing there will not be much to put under it.